Wednesday, January 30, 2008

nee roger

So, they might be moving us IT losers out of the downtown locale and into more suburban confines (Strongsville if you're familiar with NE Ohio). I am not a fan of the potential move. Although I'll admit that I wasn't in love with this place today as I walked in against 60 MPH gusts whipped on me at a heart-solidifying -875 degrees, overall I feel a move to Strongsville is a -1 (where one work happiness unit is of significant value).

Hmmm, I started writing this a long time ago and forgot the point . . . oh yes. One of my main beefs is that my current location has a work gym - the incredible convenience of which I appreciate frequently. New locale is currently gymless. I had at one time expressed to my boss that I wasn't much interested in the work-at-home program as I preferred to utilize the let's-get-physical facilities. Remembering this (?) she asked higher-ups if they'd be putting a gym in the new building. Ok, this is getting too long. She came over to talk about it and addressed me as "Mr. Workout Man."

That's my new name. Consider yourselves notified.


Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Netflix: Lenny (1974)

Lenny Bruce wasn't that funny. Actually, Lenny Bruce wasn't funny at all, but he was the first to do pot and sex jokes. For that he got fame, fortune, a nasty heroin addiction and arrested a bunch of times for being "obscene". If he were doing stand-up now, he'd be hosting open mic night at the Ha Ha Hut . . . or applying for work at Starbucks.

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Friday, January 25, 2008

Bowling: It's right up my alley!

  • The post title is for Alan. Hey, when I mine gold, I brandish it.
  • Upninjky has been adopted. Word has it that the girl who moved into my old place is some sort of crazy cat lady (now give her some candy!) and she took that little vagrant in. Big props to Upninjky for persevering through my profanity-laced tirades whenever it ran into the house.
  • The mime shirt is in full effect. I got to admit it makes me way happier than any other-guy clothing choice should.
  • I'm going to have to get all 14-year-old girl on you . . . OMG! You know the angry baby from the Simpsons? Well, he's all grown up and he works at my office. It's freaking hilarious. I giggle every time I see him.
  • I went with babyDaddy to a Cavs game Wednesday night. One guy was calling me Scott. The first time I thought, "Did he just call me Scott?" Whatev. And the next time he said it like 4 times without me responding (I had my back turned and hey my name's not Scott, so I didn't notice) and I only responded when he tapped me on the shoulder. Scott was a nice name to try on for a night, I guess. But how you derive that from Roger, I'm not sure.
  • RE: above. I ate about 80000 calories worth of food. The bloat, she was mighty.
  • I'm busy at work so the blog has suffered. Hmmm . . . it's almost as if there's a correlation . . . I'll have to check into that.

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Friday, January 18, 2008

avril lavigne is the smartest celebrity in the world (and I don't even know how to spell her name)

So I was watching that TMZ show and Avril and her crew were coming out of a club. One of her boys and a photog got into a mini-shoving match. It was typical chest-thumping kind of stuff. Then this ginormous, angry black guy starts yelling at Avril's agent or whoever he was, apropos of nothing, so far as I could tell. Hipster wisely got in the car and stayed there.

Then I saw something that was always self-evident to me, but seems to elude the famous. Avril had a driver. You know, like a sober, older gentleman driving her around. So, I guess the theory is that you go out, get really drunk with your friends and then you get into a car where a non-impaired person takes you home thereby avoiding a DUI arrest and your mugshot all over the cybernets.

Hmmm . . . it's so crazy it just might work.

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Thursday, January 17, 2008

Netflix: Oliver Twist (1948)

Great movie with some old-timey laughs.

I don't have exceedingly fragile sensibilities, but check out Alec Guinness as Fagin:

They didn't do Ben Kingsley's make-up quite the same for the 2005 version of Oliver Twist.

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via Neatorama


Wednesday, January 16, 2008

this here blog needs a post . . .

and I'm the only man for the job! (Due to poor planning when I created this.)

Anyway, I am essentially falling asleep at my desk and for some reason I thought this would help alleviate that. Instead it's the proverbial "gasoline on the fire." Honestly, if there is anything more boring than reading this blog it's writing it. Sheesh.

At any rate, I had two people ask me for help today. And it's like my initial thought is, "How do you have this job?" Not that I'm mega-ultra smart or anything, but they we're like not even in the right zip code solution-wise. So, I do it for them and try to explain. And next time they do it themselves! Wrong. Next time, they know I'm a sucker and just come ask me to begin with before spending any time on it.

Maybe I'll make them pay me for answers in Cool Ranch Doritos. Damn. I really want some Cool Ranch Doritos now.

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Saturday, January 12, 2008

. . . and I can't take it anymore!

Ok. Rare Saturday post here at the Marginally Clever, but it can't wait.

The Verizon commercial with the Waldo/"we're the network" character getting into the cab . . . right. He then morphs into a "laboring" women and the other "network" members he's with become the woman's mother and friend/sister. Uhh . . . why? Does Waldo have a contract stipulating that he must appear in every new Verizon commercial? Wouldn't it have been just as effective for the woman to appear during the entire commercial? Are they trying to tell us that as a phone company they are so ingrained with our needs that they are actually US?

Whatever it is. It's creeping me out.

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Thursday, January 10, 2008

if someone . . .

names their kid Javayah and you name your kid Javahellyah, do you win?


Wednesday, January 09, 2008

the pros and cons of pros and cons

* Really good at what they do.
* If they're golfers, they can wear knickers without fear of reprisal.
* If bowlers, they're also really good at drinking beer.

* Always rubbing their skills in your face.
* Likely sacrificed valuable NCAA eligibility/scholarship to get where they are.
* It's probably all due to the performance-enhancing drugs.

* Great subject material for movies (e.g. Paper Moon, The Sting, Oceans 12 - ok, not always a slam dunk here).
* You can make some cash if you get in with them on the ground floor. Send me 5 bucks and I'll explain how!
* Help you find creative ways for spending your entertainment dollars.

* Send tons of spam messages about being trapped in Nigeria and needing money released from secret European bank accounts.
* Enough with the constant grifting already.
* Usually oddly dressed and sometimes greasy.


Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Netflix: The Good Girl (2002)

Individually, none of the characters particularly annoyed me, but collectively it was an irritating experience.

Everything is drab and washed-out. I suppose it's effective in demonstrating Justine's (Jennifer Aniston) state of mind and her general malaise/indifference, but it makes for some dull watching. There are genuinely funny parts and both Zooey Deschanel and John C. Reilly are entertaining, but overall it was whiny and the whiny always annoys me. (It makes ME whine and I don't like that.)

It's a self-indulgent affair with an inordinate number of dumb people. It wasn't particularly funny; it wasn't particularly moving; it was just kind of there - like all its characters. And all the while I couldn't decide if Jennifer Aniston was supposed to have an accent or what was going on.

p.s. This is all with the willing suspension of disbelief that Jennifer Aniston and John C. Reilly would end up together. John C. Reilly, world-renowned actor is not a handsome guy. John C. Reilly, habitually pot-smoking house painter? Downright ugly.

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task list

Someone needs to add to their task list the task of calling me in the morning if it's going to be 60 degrees on January 8th at 7 a.m. In fact, anytime between December 1st and March 1st, I need to be notified if it will be that warm. I am wearing a sweater and it's a little toasty to say the least. January swamp ass is unexpected and unwarranted.

In other news, last night I wrote (according to theMonica) my funniest thank you card yet! I told her that all my thank yous were written with love and than each was special and funny in it's own way. In not-so-funny news, I have about 30 left. Ouch.

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Friday, January 04, 2008

hello wife. welcome to the first day of the rest of your life [insert maniacal laugh here]


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Netflix: Live Free or Die . . .

while holding onto the tail of an F-35 whose hover engine has been knocked out and whose pilot has ejected, but no problem, it's spinning rapidly and you have that giant slab of concrete to jump onto - how far is that 30 feet? WHEEEEEEEEE!! You made it. Super (2007)

For me the charm of the original was that it wasn't too outlandish. Having seen many other ridiculous action movies BEFORE seeing Die Hard, I remembered thinking it was completely plausible. But this one was total silliness. I'm all for the suspension of physics, but does he really HAVE to jump a car into a helicopter?

I don't know. Maybe it does.

Side note: Anybody else notice the bad case of lockjaw the main bad guy had? What's the deal with that?

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Wednesday, January 02, 2008

when wednesday feels like monday . . .

You go through a number of "depression-relief-annoyance" cycles. Depressed - you think it's Monday; relief - you've realized it's Wednesday; annoyance - Wednesday isn't all that close to Friday.