Monday, January 31, 2005

C'mon guys. You're better than that.

Not-trying-too-hard Spam scammers emailing from, sent the following:

Under what circumstances does this work?

Guy: Hell, I do my checking through "the bank". Maybe I should click through and provide account info - get this problem straightened out.

I contend that if you're able to operate an email account well enough to receive and read this message then you are inherently unable to fall for this scam. Surely if you fell for it, what is the probability that you also had been able to open an account at "the Bank" for which they could steal your information?

Admittedly, it's gotta be hard to make a grift work via mass emailing, but this barely passes the "sentient man standard" (vague background on strained reference here). I don't know. Maybe they could steal a real bank's email list and go from there. Let's take a little pride in our work boys.

Thursday, January 27, 2005

I Walk the Line

It's a hard line to toe between playful tease and sarcastic asshole. A misplaced joke here and there and you'll be shit-listed posthaste. I am probably more often on the bad side of that line than one would want, but I do what I can. It's not like I can pass up a sweet burn. I could try to get back on the good side of my loved ones. But, isn't it a little much to go out of my way to compliment my friends? I mean, isn't it good enough that I'm hanging out with them? Isn't that a compliment of the implicit kind? Maybe not. Maybe they know I don't have any other options.

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Adventures in Spam Mail Senders II

In what will now be a "regular" (read: more than once) feature on the blog, I will entertain you with some fun, interesting and downright weird email senders. All these "names" are taken from the from box of spam emails I have received. Honest to God. I don't make these up. So, here we go:

John CusackTalk about a mid-life crisis! I knew I hadn't seen much of him recently, but jeez, he's reached a new low. Maybe he just wanted me to know that "Quality teeenagers wait".
Racing U. TreacherouslyI'm sure there are a lot of NASCAR references I could make right now . . . if I only knew how.
Interbreeds D. HarvestedIs this like what they did in Lord of the Rings: Return of the King? With all the guys coming out of the ooze?
Hypersensitivity R. BoringlyThe Oprah Winfrey Show?
Buffoons B. WiseBe they?

The world is an evil place

Jen and Brad have broken up *tear*. I discovered an interesting item in the local indy:

Do you enjoy swanky Hollywood parties, shallow egomaniacal folk and constant hounding by camera-wielding misanthropic camera jockeys? If so, I could be a "Friend" to you. That's not all I have to offer! Do you enjoy fabulous hairdos and sparkly dresses and such? Then this SWF is for you! That's right. SWF seeks M for companionship and possibly more(?). Let me cast you as my leading man! Are you ready for your close-up? Must be among top 25 most beautiful men as determined by accredited national publication, such as People, Mad Magazine or Cat Fancy; SAG member; vegan; aloof but not indifferent; non-smoker; smug solipsistic types need not apply!

If Brad and Jen can't make it in this crazy, mixed-up world, what chance is there for us ordinary people?

Monday, January 24, 2005

piano lessons

When I was first introduced to swing eighths, I had a bit of trouble. (As an aside, when I was introduce to EIGHTHS I had to ask, are you people never happy? Weren't quarter notes good enough?) You know, swing eighths, it's a little more than half a quarter and the second eighth is the rest. Right. Gradually, I got the hang of it. Now I can't play my eighths straight. Oh piano, you are a cruel, cruel mistress.


On vocabulary:
I wish not to be misunderstood, for lack of a better word.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

Travel Tips

When walking during windy conditions, always ensure the wind is blowing WITH the part your hair. Sure, maybe sometimes you'll have to walk backwards; but hey, suck it up and take your medicine.

Separated at Birth Look-Alike Contest Winner: Clarification

Generally when I'm constructing a separated at birth, I'll go to google images and search for pictures there. Usually, if my idea has been done already, I'll find an example of it. Sometimes though, it's not readily apparent. This happened recently when I got the idea for a Separated at Birth with Maria Shriver and 80's cartoon super-villain Skeletor. When searching for Maria and Skeletor pictures separately, I didn't encounter the S@B. But when I searched together, I found this. This blogger calls them "twins", but the thought's the same (they both resemble skeletons. Incidentally, I don't know what the blog title or sub-title mean). That being said, I am not exhaustive in my searching for someone preemptively stealing my brilliant ideas. I can't be held accountable for web denizens that also possess a time machine, travel into the future, steal my separated at births ideas, travel back to the the past and then publish the picture, before I was inevitably going to in the future that could no longer exist. For one thing, it's a great big world wide web and I have tiny amounts of gray matter and even tinier numbers of ideas. As the blog title implies, it's highly unlikely that I would have both a clever and UNIQUE idea about something (then I would have to rename the blog: Truly Clever). So hey, I'm sorry if I unwittingly copy other peoples' ideas.

Incidentally, this category shall now be called "Look-Alike Contest Winners". Over the past 45 minutes of looking, S@B has become too ubiquitous and cliche (I call this "tacky God" syndrome). The new name suggests that if one of the people entered the other's Annual Look-Alike Contest, the featured contestants would surely win the other's contest in which entered - you know what I mean. By the by, if you're here from the past, could you please use your time machine for the forces of good?

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Saturday, January 15, 2005

Although, Schmuel Gelbfisz has a certain ring to it

From A Word A Day:

Goldwynism (GOLD-wi-niz-em) noun

A humorous statement or phrase resulting from the use of incongruous or contradictory words, situations, idioms, etc.

[After Samuel Goldwyn (1879-1974), Polish-born US film producer, known for such remarks. Born Schmuel Gelbfisz, he changed his name to Samuel Goldfish after he went to UK, and to Samuel Goldwyn after moving to the US.]

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Not just Mr. Smith went to Washington

From the January-February issue of mental_floss:

Late long-time Senator Strom Thurmond is in the record books for giving the longest recorded speech in history, clocking in at 24 hours and 18 minutes. What could someone possibly rant about for more than a day? The speech was a filibuster in opposition of the 1957 Civil Rights Act (which passed, despite Strom's efforts).

Gotta hand it to the guy; he REALLY hated black people.

Monday, January 10, 2005

piano lessons

If there's one immutable fact in my life it's that I suck at the piano. I've been "learning to play" the piano for about 18 months, on and off. I take lessons from a friend who's a music genius of some sort. He teaches guitar and bass for a living, but is great (so far as I can tell) at the piano as well. Listening to him (or anyone else) play is both depressing and inspiring. Depressing because I know that it took me 2 weeks to pick-up the "my-first-Sony" version of "Rock-a My Soul"; inspiring because I figure I have the rest of my life to get as good as the player I happen to be listening to.

Alas, sometimes it's hard to ignore the fact of how uneasily it all comes to me. Over and over I play the same measure, always being sure to vary my errors. It's rather like watching a kid learning to ride a bike. He falls and falls, bashing his head into the cold, hard cement, skinning his knees and hands, bleeding profusely. You can't help but laugh and think to yourself, "Maybe it's better for him to give up. We all can't be bike riders, you know. Look at China. All those bikes, pandemonium really." But I'll be damned it that stubborn little bastard doesn't keep after it and eventually ride that fucking bike.

Duly inspired, I press on. Maybe I will post on it from time to time. But wow, that would be dull.

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

Separated at Birth: Cartoon Version

Cartoon superstar Droopy Dog and Fox News Analyst Britt Hume

Royals third baseman Joe Randa and the Joker. (Seriously, this guy's face ALWAYS looks like that, even when he's batting. It's amazing; check him out).

Cavaliers Brazilian Bench Hustle Machine Anderson Varejao and Bart Simpson nemesis, Sideshow Bob

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