Wednesday, November 29, 2006

more bands to hate on me for liking

I was going to write a long post about a show Alan and I went to and how it was really good and I enjoyed it and blahbitty, blah. And I had this joke about how my ears just now stopped ringing. It was going to be funny because I was going to write it the week after the show (November 10th). But then, I was lazy for a few weeks there my whole life and now, rather than being funny, if my ears were still ringing you'd probably get really concerned and set-up a Roggie Fund to get my hearing tested and possibly new cochlea tubes. I think I invented a medical procedure . . .

So this show had some bands playing, but it was further enhanced by a the wasted somersaulting teenager who attended. Happily foisting a mixed drink in his x-marked hand, he took short breaks from walking into people to do somersaults on the floor. Why? I do not know why. Perhaps a failed attempt at breakdance? Most people were riding the annoyed to amused spectrum on the kid. I was mostly amused but afraid he was going to puke on me. Eventually I assume he puked on someone, probably outside, as last I saw he was making the finger-on-the-mouth puke face and running out of the club. Here's to not losing it on the dance floor; the first step to being able to hold your liquor!

Anywho, the bands I so thoroughly enjoyed were Machine Go Boom and Bears. You, should you chose not to be a loser, will also enjoy them.

RS3 gave me a Machine Go Boom cd a couple (few?) years back and I've been rockin' it ever since. MGB fit into my quirk band paradigm, which I explained whilst discussing Pixies. Bears are more of a straight-ahead kind of band (plus glockenspiel!). They have a familiar sound which I can't quite put my finger on. The gentle harmonics of a Fruit Bats, plus Shin-like arrangements plus a 60's pop subtlety.

Boy am I glad I don't write about music because that was perhaps the dumbest thing I've ever written. It's music; it's good; check it out. The end.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Netflix: Harold and Maude (1971)

Ewwww, he's doing his great-grandma??!!

This movie is disturbing on a few levels. Firstly, it has a 20-year-old gettin' busy with an 80-year-old. No, this is not a 11+-year-old dog, it's an 80-year-old woman. Secondly, the 20-year-old, Bud Cort, looks like a bloaty version of a young Tony Randall with a really powerful voice that doesn't fit the bloaty-Randall head. He's creepy. Thirdly . . . 80-years-old!

Otherwise, it was interesting. It had some funny moments and other times when you wanted to scratch your eyes out because some kid was doing the forbidden dance with this extremely old lady.

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Friday, November 24, 2006

everyone's just people

Ok - best show on TV is Beauty and the Geek. It's basically a show where "beautiful women" expose themselves as shallow (and sometimes redeem themselves)and GEEKS expose themselves - well, they're kind of just geeks and that's all there is to it.

A couple of the guys have never been on dates. It actually kind of heartbreaking because they'll say stuff like, "I have a crush on her, and I could be jealous. But if I was jealous every time I liked a girl who didn't like me, I would spend my whole life jealous." It's not so much that they have trouble with the ladies, but it's they're total lack of HOPE.

Anyway, they had a marathon that sucked me in. I wasn't going to blog about it, but then one of the guys said the quote in the title. "We might be different, but what it comes down to is everyone's just people." Yes, everyone is just people.

Update: I think the best part about the show is the utter disdain the host seems to hold for all the participants. He has almost a robotic hatred of their existence. Fascinating stuff.

Monday, November 20, 2006

canadian girls hate the cavs and most things basketball and sometimes confuse teams with the appearance of the merging of body parts


Saturday, November 18, 2006

canadian girls love the cavs

Well, at least that's what the 5 girls (presumably Canadian) who were holding signs at the Cavaliers game tonight (ok, technically last night) led me to believe. Since I know I have in excess of 2 Canadian girls who read my blog I was wondering if this was in fact true . . .

Do Canadian girls love the Cavs?

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

i cut all my nails but linky (left pinky)

And that realization has consumed my every thought for the past 4 hours. Hmm, maybe this staple remover . . .

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

oh boy

This is awesome.

Friday, November 10, 2006

your mother should know . . .

Ever have one of those days when you avoid work at all costs? I'm like Nicole Richie at a Sandwich Convention - totally disinterested. And I would like to thank the members of the committee for giving me the award for most strained simile of 2006. Thank you.

Anyway, instead of starting a new project, I will write a numbered list of things which you can share with your family - depending on how hilarious they think my hijinks/observations/public embarrassments are.

  1. I am really bah-da-bap-ba-ba lovin' the "new" Belle and Sebastian album, The Life Pursuit. In retrospect I feel as if I was punishing myself by waiting so long to purchase it. Stupid Me.

  2. Ding-dong my school loan's dead. The final payment was a few thousand dollars so I got about 8 warning messages about insufficient funds fees and the criminal nature of falsifying loan payment information. It was almost like they didn't want me to pay it off - huh. Despite my fear, it's probably my finest accomplishment thus far.

  3. I saw a guy wearing a tie with an extra-wide knot, perhaps trying to cover the fact that he had the top two buttons of his shirt undone. So very strange.

  4. Two items left-over from my Anaheim trip (insert nested-list logic):
    • I got yelled at for "jaywalking" by a 100-year-old convention worker. A non-thru-street runs in front of the convention center. There was a crosswalk directly in front of where cabs made their u-turns. I thought I'd be nice and walk in front of the cabs (and crosswalk) so they could u-turn while I went by. That's when Methuselah yelled at me to "stay between the lines." I wanted to make a comment that life wasn't a coloring book or some such, but I figured the profundity of it might cause a massive coronary, so I just did as I was told and kept my mouth shut.

    • This one is kind of hard to explain, but boy was my face red. They had a "bookstore." I quote it because it was a few tables set-up with some books on them. I was reaching for a book and at the same time, unbeknownst to me, a gentleman slightly behind me was grabbing a book right next to the one I was reaching for. (Just sketch it out on a napkin or something.) I did not see the guy's hand, just the book "falling." It wasn't falling, but that's what it looked like - like I had knocked the book off the table. Now, seeing as how I'm a roller-hockey goalie (and ninja), my reflexes are pretty good. I shot my right arm down in an attempt to catch the book. Well, this dude's arm was in the path of where my brain had determined the book was going to rendezvous with my hand. I totally fucking karate chopped this guy right below the elbow. He looked at me in utter disbelief. I tried to explain the thing about the book falling and my ninjaing skills, but he kind of mumbled to himself and backed slowly away.

  5. Motorpursey guy parks in my lot. I might have to key his car or something. I have a personal set of man-laws. Including, but not limited to: every guy should be able to tie a tie; every guy should have at least 20 dollars cash on his person at all times (this is a "person" law, but the ladies don't usually abide); no guy should wheel a fanny pack around downtown Cleveland. I'm sorry; it's just how I feel. Maybe I will send the eunichs to shame him.

  6. The weather has been unseasonably nice. I always feel guilty for liking it because my dad is in the heating industry. Studies have shown that cold weather makes people use more heat and heating type products. You can look it up. It's science.

Well have a great weekend - or more likely - I hope you had a great weekend.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

words fail

So I walking into the office today and this guy has a tiny, tiny bag with wheels. The bag also has a handle which he's retracted and he's pulling his tote down the street. Seriously, this thing was the size of a purse. I hope he doesn't have kids or he'd be dragging those little bastards on the sidewalk behind him.

I was thoroughly disgusted. Unfortunately, my knees hurt and I was too sore to catch him and show him how to properly carry a man bag (over the shoulder, crossing the chest).

Sorry, no time to make this post any better. Tootles.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

-5 new guy, -5

So I sneeze and the new guy next to me doesn't say, "God bless you." WTF new guy? How about a little effort? Then I think, "*GASP* What if he doesn't believe in God?" THEN I think, "*DOUBLE GASP* What if he doesn't believe in sneezing??"

There is another new co-worker who has that sexy, sultry female voice that makes all the guys listen attentively whenever we hear it. Then we remember it's actually another guy and we get kind of creeped out. I have to turn around and see that it's him because he sounds so much like a woman. "I want to go shopping," "Math is hard," "Men are sexist pigs." Ha ha, just kidding. Not what he says, the voice itself. It's quite disconcerting.

Monday, November 06, 2006

vote yes on issue 30

Issue 30 is all about everybody shutting the fuck up and leaving me alone.

I guess random phone messages and emails target humanity's lowest common denominator, but I've had about enough of it already. Thank God for tomorrow. Go Super Tuesday!

Friday, November 03, 2006

i wonder

I wonder sometimes if people google random events in their lives. I write a lot of little anecdotes about people at work. It's usually not BAD stuff, just stuff I wouldn't write if I knew they read the blog. I'm sensitive like that. I wonder if for whatever reason somebody searches on something odd they've said. I'm sure not. I'm sure if they said it, they probably don't think it's that weird. But it doesn't matter. It makes me cautious. Because otherwise I would have totally told you the story of someone dropping the work pager in the toilet and not even trying to lie about it. Oh. Unless it was lies and whatever happened to the pager was much worse . . .

Thursday, November 02, 2006

halloween '06

So, here's what I went as . . . along with costume key:

I was a boys age 10-12 sized costume ninja. It was supposed to be comically tight because a buddy wore something similar during Halloween '05. Well, there were a lot of strangers at the party and I got a lot of awkward looks. If you look really closely, you can see some naked inner thigh. Yah, bending over didn't go so well. I had to wear shorts to cover the indecency.

At any rate, it was a good time.

Update: I forgot to tell you that apparently, the sword is good for serving people (anyone) Swedish meatballs. I mean, I couldn't possibly know from experience, but it said that on the package.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

speaking of

Frank Black had a show in Cleveland on Monday. He kicked out a couple of acoustic versions of Pixies' songs. I'm all for that. All in all, it was kind of a low-key show. It skewed towards his more recent Nashville recordings and it was a Monday night. But I will say Frank talked more during this show than all the other shows I've seen him combined. I like to think it was because of my stunning blue eyes staring up at him delicately.

Earlier in the day, I had jury duty. I was pretty sure it would be a veritable goldmine of blogging material. The morning got started off right with people asking annoyingly stupid questions and testing the juror fuhrer's patience. But there was nothing too stupid or entertaining. So, I continued to read whatever it was I brought along. After a few hours, we were told we weren't needed and to go home.

Talk about a letdown. I think we all universally share in a 12 Angry Men scenario where only WE (as played by Henry Fonda) can see the complex truth behind an ostensibly simple case. Of course, the court I was summoned to was a misdemeanor court (or whatever - point being, nothing serious in terms of criminal activity), so who cares if somebody gets 10 hours of community service or not? Certainly not me, especially when I can't give someone the chair.