Friday, January 30, 2009

Netflix: The Lost Weekend (1945)

You know how you'll get drunk a couple of days in a row and on day 3, you're kind of hungover and you'll think, "Man. Why did I do that? Maybe I'm an alcoholic." Then you watch The Lost Weekend and you think, "No. That guy is an alcoholic." You don't? . . . Whatever.

I gave it 5 stars and that's like the most.

Labels: ,

things that annoy me (a partial and in-process list)

  • People telling me, "I'm bored." As if I'm a tv show and they can flip me to something more entertaining. Well, ya can't, because you're too cheap to pay for good cable.
  • Hoboes. Lord knows, interacting with them has yielded loads of blogstuffs, but honestly, they can irritate.
  • People that aren't funny but think they are. Invariably they are loud and command a lot of attention while they're telling their "not very funny" jokes. After the punchline is delivered they will laugh -- loudly and everyone else is forced to chuckle - awkwardly. That's why I usually like to go deadpan. Nobody knows if you're trying to be funny or not, nobody laughs and everybody's happy.
  • Nazis. Everything's not "nazis." Soup nazis, feminazis, YahtzeeNazis . . . honestly, could we euphemize some other group of really evil people?
  • When someone can't remember your name and you tell them and they say something like, "That's right!!" No shit? Thanks for the heads up.
  • Friends/acquaintances for whom you buy a drink and they are maniacally obsessed with buying you a drink in return. To the point where if they can't repay you that night, they'll mention it later like, "Hey, I still owe you a drink." This annoys me because if for some reason my arms are completely non-functional or gone and I'm unable to beat you through a round of beers and you're going back up to the bar, I'll let you buy me drinks all night. I'll get really drunk and I'll forget it ever happened. That's just how it is. I'm of the opinion that these things tend to balance themselves out . . . especially with all these "beer accountants" hovering around making sure the assets match the liabilities.
  • A corollary to the above. People whom you lend money who go pawn something because it's closer than their ATM, just to pay you back immediately. Relax. I know where you live.
  • People who aren't smart, but think they are (hey, I know I'm not). GrammarNaz Khmer Roguers are a particularly irksome bunch. Most of the time someone that goes around correcting people's grammar is wrong about their corrections - a lot.
  • Comic strips. The idea is to be funny, yes? 99% = FAIL.
  • When I can't get a staple properly aligned on a page. Where properly = what my mind arbitrarily dictates - one of my few OCD ticks. I'm also oddly particular about pencil tip points. Weird. I can go weeks without washing my hands.
  • The fact that everyone complains about "other people" not being able to drive when the weather's bad. Some of you have to be part of the problem. I suck at driving when the weather's bad. As soon as I seen a snowflake I shriek and throw my hands over my eyes. I may or may not slam on the brakes - just depends on my whimsy.
  • People asking me questions which if they took 8 seconds out of their day to research they could figure out themselves.
  • Hidden CD Tracks. Either the song sucks or it doesn't. It's up to you to decide. Even more annoying is when you like the song, but they don't place it at the beginning of the skip-to track. So you have to ffwd through 15 minutes of white noise or a bubbling brook or some incoherent 4-year old just to get to the song. That's stupid . . . and annoying.
  • When people append, ". . . and that's a good thing" to 90% of what they say. "I won 50 bucks playing bingo and that's a good thing." Yes, I can tell from the context of the story and the silly look on your face that that's a good thing.
  • Sharing. theMonica can attest to the fact that I'm not a huge fan of sharing especially my drinks and/or feelings. No, I'm not too bad with my feelings, but drinks, c'mon! That's my Diet DP!
  • Napolean Dynamite.
  • The fact that the refs can't hear me swearing at them. Why should I look like a crazy person, screaming at a TV when they're the idiots?
  • How impossible it is to get the last 10% of lotion out of its container. My hands are dry and damaged. I need that moisturization!
  • American Idol - has this ship not sailed?
  • A.) Partial RSS feeds. The whole point is that I don't have to go to your stupid website every time you post. Geez. B.) read more . . . links - ooohhhhhh your site is too special to have complete entries on the front page. This doubly annoys me because 90% of the time I'm only actually on the site because of A). Let me see it ALL and now!
  • Tomatoes. I feel I've been very clear on this.
  • Sasha Pavlovic (not worth researching if you don't know what I'm talking about and it'd take more than 8 seconds).
  • People doing work that requires me to remain in the office for them to complete it. This is especially annoying when these people decide to start the task like 2.5 minutes before I'm supposed to leave, on a Friday, when I'm going to happy hour and thereby force me to write blog posts.


Wednesday, January 28, 2009

(borrowing) good snow blowers make good neighbors . . .

You'll have to ask my neighbor if I bring anything to the table.


Tuesday, January 27, 2009

7, 8, 9, 14 . . . does it matter?

You know, it's frustrating to give up 8 goals. It's frustrating to know that had I made 8 more saves and scored a goal, we would have been able to get the win. But, no, I was unable to produce. It's just that tomorrow when the boxscore isn't in the paper and no one sees/cares about my like 80% save percentage and they don't think that I'm failing as a goalie and there is complete disinterest entirely across all humanity . . . yah, you get the idea.

It's frustrating and at this rate, it's going to take me at least another year to go pro.

Labels: ,

Sunday, January 25, 2009

late to the party

My buddy Tony has recently "rediscovered" my blog, as he puts it. We were talking the other day and had an exchange that went something like this:

"So I've been reading your blog again. I'm up to February '06. I think you might have missed a calling."

"Maybe my calling was to write a crappy blog that nobody reads?"

"Yah, maybe."


"Am I the only person left with a pair of Hush Puppies?" he thought . . .

as he put on his hush puppies Friday morning . . .

This is perchance true. You don't see them around much and at a certain length they begin to resemble clown shoes. Let me explain. Some shoes are proportionally eyeletted. As in, the eyelets run all the way up the shoe (e.g. most tennis shoes). Other shoes, Hush Puppies for one, are absolutely eyeletted. The eyelets/eyelet flap takes up the same amount of space regardless of the shoe size. Now with a smaller size, it's proportional and looks proper. The bigger the shoe, the stranger it can look. As the real estate between the top of the flap and the end of the shoe increases so does your probability of looking like a dumbass.

Now, where did I park my clown car?


Friday, January 23, 2009

you know how they say, "Sing like no one's listening . . . "

the second half of that is, "don't have a microphone."


Wednesday, January 21, 2009

give it a name

A buddy was giving a bunch of us the scoop on a guy that didn't wash his hands post-bathroom break, urinal, stall or otherwise. Unfortunately, this is a common experience. Or the hand washing sans soup, because, you know, just take care any debris that may have attached itself without any concern for bacterial attachment. At any rate, no pattycake with that guy.

Then I suggested that he do the thing where you point at your eyes with differing fingers and then to the person in question. We need a name for that thing where you point with two fingers at your eyes and then at a person, at least somewhat menacingly.

Wikipedia calls it I'm watching (you), which is pretty uninspired. All I could come up with was the "I know what you did last summer.”


Monday, January 19, 2009

machine go boom go boom

It saddens me to report that machine go boom is no more.

I have to say I've done my part as I've probably seen them play dozens of times. The last time they played I was going to go, but then didn't. And since the dissolution of the band was announced after their last show, I was taken by surprise. I kind of feel like when you have a big fight with somebody and then they die in a fiery car crash and then you feel like it's your fault because you said all those mean things and wished they were never born and whatnot. The remorse is thick. Maybe if I had been in the audience, my extra person would have embiggened them enough to go on. Probably not.

Alas, it wasn't to be. Godspeed machine go boom. You will be missed.

Labels: ,

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

that's unpossible

So, my new year's resolution is to post 3 times a week. And read two books a month - and some other stuff, but nothing too exciting/mostly revolving around Doritos consumption. Anyway, as far as I can tell, I'm already behind things. The only solution is . . . no, not to post 3 times a week. The only solution is to go to the 21-day week. Only then could I post 3 times a week. While it would be good for you, the reader, I can't imagine I can get too many people on-board about a 19-day work week.

All-in-all it'd probably be worth it, but you'd need to take like 4 days off a week.

Labels: ,

Monday, January 12, 2009

Netflix: No Reservations (2007)

producer: Isn't this kind of trite? You know, like formulaic, clashing personalities meet, fight and eventually fall in love? Pseudo-stalker/admirer takes job which he's overqualified for in order to be near woman he only knows through reputation . . . seems like it's been done before.

writer: But, they're CHEFS!

producer: Sure, we learn about foie gras, and really, nice touch.

writer: Rare!

producer: Right, got it. But, can't you add . . . I don't know . . . something to it.


writer: I got it! Orphaned niece comes to live with her. Tears, hilarity and poor child care ensue.

producer: SOLD!

Alternatively, it was only about the woman and the orphan, the love affair got shoe-horned in and ultimately became the entire movie.


Thursday, January 08, 2009

corey hart = LASIK recipient

That's why I'm wearing sunglasses at night. And really, sensitivity to light due to eye lasering is one of two legitimate reasons to wear sunglasses at night, not so you can watch someone weave/breath their dreams. (Corey Hart may also be a drug user.) The other legitimate reason for wearing sunglasses at night is because the sun never sets on cool. That's speaking from experience friends.

Anyway, it was a funky experience. It didn't really hurt; it wasn't really uncomfortable, but it was more funky than anything else. At any rate, the first 4 or 5 hours after the procedure were annoying, but otherwise, thumbs up. Go for it.

Saul = God LASIK. All the annals of history have opened to me. I can see the past so clearly. And the future's so bright.

Labels: ,