Tuesday, January 26, 2010

i am tired, but i love you more

Yes, it's true. I need to go to bed so I can get up in the morning and workout . . . whaaaah?? Yah, that is not a fun reason to get up. Not like getting up to drink - I'm talking like a tailgate situation and not an alcoholic-type situation.

At any rate, I was thinking about life and stuff. For me, getting married wasn't a big deal really. You find the right girl and it's pretty snappy. Buying a house was tougher. Not tougher as in difficult (but there was WAY more paperwork) but tougher in that emotionally I felt the squeeze of provider anxiety (also the name of my new alt-rock band). All I could think was, "Gotta make that money! We gots a mortgage!"

Now, the baby is en route, perhaps sideways, swerving wildly within theMonica's uterus, but coming nonetheless. And I feel a new change coming over me. One that I actually find disturbing. I have to get a cellphone. I know. It's frightening. It troubles me. And despite the fact that I suspect I won't be unavailable at baby time, I also feel like I need to step up. So, for the first time in my life I am going to buy a cellphone. I'm going to be one of those cellphone people. It's sad I know. I console myself with the knowledge that I'm going to buy one of those bullshit pay-as-you-go phones and keep it in the car after baby is here.

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Monday, January 18, 2010

i'll get to 1000 if it kills the both of us

What's up?

So I have 885 posts or something. Who has read them all? Raise your hand. I have not. Half this shit is written by robot-monkeys and when they get to typing - look out. There's no stopping them. But, yah, I want 1 large posts. And then maybe I'll retire. Ok, probably not, but it seems like a good number. Go out on top and whatnot. Stay tuned.

So, apparently cuddlebunnies is a beach baby! I hope you've got sunscreen in there kiddie! Because if you have even 10% of the translucent skin I walk around with, you'll be getting the sunburn. Seriously, I am powder. Then I figured out it was BREECH baby. Oh, breech, got it. Yes, CB is all facing the wrong way, instead of downwards. I believe because baby is a procrastinator like his/her father. I mean, why rush? theMonica's cervix isn't going anywhere. Once more, out of the breech, baby!

As you might guess, this kind of freaked me out a little. I mean, you want everything to be ABSOLUTELY PERFECT. But, the truth is, just get 'em out safe and bouncy and I'll be happy. Loves!

Tangentially, I was thinking: do you think in 2000 years, long after we are gone and our society forgotten by the super-simians which are sure to supersede us, will they watch our TV shows, thinking they are an historical account of things which actually happened? And if they do, will Jack Bauer be new Jesus? And our ape overlords will live in fear of the Great Bauer's return? You may laugh, but sometimes that's how it goes down.

Ponder that and my eternal damnation until my next post.

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Thursday, January 14, 2010


According to Sarah, it's delurking time. What's delurking? Well, it's when you stop lurking, creepy stalker. Right, like because you secretly read my blog and won't tell friends and family, now is the time to reveal that fact to me. Why? Well, because I take it as a point of pride that I know every person who reads my blog. Yes, I can hold all 7 of you in mind, at all times.

At any rate, if you look at Sarah, she is famous and you have to wade through 30 people before you get to my hilarious comment. Such is life.


Wednesday, January 13, 2010

shutout bitches!

From the, what do you care?, file - I got a shutout tonight. Booyah! It wasn't that impressive really. There were only 15 shots, but 15 shots I stopped, which is totally sweet. This is the first one I've had with this team and only the second in my almost 3 years of ice hockey. I think I've had one in roller hockey. This, I know, isn't impressive, but, for serious, there's not a lot of defense. So when there is some defense, it makes it pretty easy on me. That's not to say that I was completely worthless. I probably made 3 non-easy saves. Saves that if they had scored I wouldn't have been too upset. But the other 12 were pretty routine.

Otherwise, it was an eventful game. There was some shoving, which is fun. But then there was also a 2-handed, baseball swing slash on one of our dudes. I didn't see it, but apparently the lady on the other team (they have a lady), took a hack at one of our guys. She only got 2 minutes for slashing despite the attempt to maim. But, really, what could we do? You can't really retaliate against a woman, right? I mean, I'm the goalie, so I'm usually like way too far away to care about this stuff, but it's kind of BS that she took a hack knowing that our guy wasn't going to do anything about it. It's the same reason women are allowed to beat their husbands. This isn't a cry for help or anything. TheMonica has never laid a finger on me in anger, but traditionally there is a separate set of punishment depending on the aggressor's gender. Not sure why I'm going on about this - probably because she could have done some serious damage.

At any rate, ultrasound tomorrow! (Ok, in 7 hours). So pictures to follow, I would think. Give a shout out to our baby boy (or girl that looks like me, Rogetta, according to theMonica. Well, she thinks it's a boy because she thinks the last ultrasound looked like me). Hugs!

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Sunday, January 03, 2010

f' off 2009!

What? We'll never see THAT year again.

At any rate, things around here have centered mostly around the rate at which Baby makes theMonica's copy of New Moon shift around while she's reading. Baby can sniff off childish hobbies already! I mean, isn't it all very kiddie pronish? Not for the teenies and pre-teenies, but for the older ladies? Yes? No? Indifferent?

In other news, I'm on some sort of epic mission to get drunk every night between now and February 26th (D-day/due date). Ok, not really because I should probably be sober at the hospital if Baby is early, right? So, what kind of annoying nickname can I have for the baby? Baby is only slightly annoying and it keeps reminding me of Dirty Dancing (RIP!), which is far more annoying than the nickname. And my intention is to annoy you and not me. So I will try to think of something else. Cuddlebunnies. Yes, that's it!

Here our my 2009 goals in order of decreasing likelihood:

* Post once a month.
* Post once a week.
* Post once a day.
(covering all the bases here)
* Fly.

So, as you see, posting every day is probably not going to happen. Ok, I will try. Not every day, but more. Promises!!

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