Tuesday, April 29, 2008

theMonica and I discussing the new Sex in the City movie trailer last night . . .

Me: That will not be funny.
theMonica: HILARIOUS!
Me: I am funnier than that movie.
theMonica: Whatever. You just don't get it.
Me: I get it; it's just not funny.
theMonica: Men are from Mars; women are from Venus.
Me: Women are from the planet where shit isn't funny.
theMonica: Men are shit.

Wow, that really escalated quickly. You killed a man with a trident. You should probably lay low for a while. Seriously.

Imagine the man-hating BEFORE she met me.


Wednesday, April 23, 2008


I WENT TO THE NEW PORNOGRAPHERS SHOW LAST NIGHT WITH ALAN AND A2Z. IT WAS REALLY GOOD. WHAT'S THAT? Oh, sorry. I didn't realize I was shouting. It was really loud last night and my ears are still ringing. No I am not suffering from voice immodulation disorder.

Yah, so anyway, it was a good show. I didn't have anything to say about it. I just wanted to use my ALL-CAPS joke. I know. Hilariously stupid.

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Monday, April 21, 2008

SAVE! (sometimes)

My buddy Brian took some glamour/action shots of me playing during a roller hockey scrimmage last week. Then he photoshopped it into the sweet-ass montage you see below. The shots definitely make me look much better than I actually am, as Brian graciously omitted any shots of me fishing the ball from the back of the net. (I attributed all fishing to rusty roller hockey skills. Though I've been playing ice, the skills for the two surfaces are maddeningly incompatible).

Big ups to Brian for making me look like a superstar. Don't try to steal this or I will sue you dizzy. All rights reserved and whatnot. (And yes, I know I need to work on my stick discipline.)

It's time for a montage!

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Today was the first day of spring. I don't care what all the "scientists" or "meteorologists" say. Today I woke up were it was a little warm, but still a chill in the air. And it had that spring smell. If you come from a place without seasons, you don't know the smell, but the best way to describe it is . . . hope. Spring smells like hope. It smells like renewal and starting over. And sometimes hobo vomit, just depending.

Well, in the tradition of this blog, I wrote that first graph on Wednesday or Thursday of last week. When you craft such finely . . . crafted crafts such as these, it sometimes takes a few days fermenting to get the words out. Or I'm just lazy. It's one or the other. But the point still stands. It's no jackets all around. And I won't go back to the jacket unless a door is frozen shut on the way to my car. If it is, I can then return home and wear a hoodie. These are the rules, people. Go forth and spread my gospel.

Donuts in the hizzouse today . . . hmmm, I went with the chocolate cake donut thinking it was the way to go. Because I wasn't sure if the chocolate icing topped, filled donut was an actual Boston Cream or a white-icing donut masquerading as a Boston Cream. These are, no doubt, serious issues. The donut was good, but I can't help but think I need to make a return trip and solve once and for all, the mystery of the unknown donut.

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Monday, April 14, 2008

there's no shame in personal hygiene

theMonica, Alan, RS3 and I went to a rock show over the weekend. It was actually a pretty nifty little event where they take a bunch of local musicians and created new, random bands from the musician pool, making sure not to group friends, bandmates, dopplegangers, etc. It's safe to say we all had a good time.

I think most people did and the popularity/logistics of the event made for a crowded venue. That's fine. I'm not so claustrophobic. Odoraphopic though? Check. Apparently, new American Hipsters, with their tapered jeans and unkempt looks are actually taking it to the NEXT level. Gone are the days of just looking dirty. Now they are actually dirty. And smelly too. Is it productive to rebel against personal cleanliness? I thought not, but apparently stench is the choice of the new generation.

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Netflix: Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (2001)

Surprisingly terrible. And this coming from a fan of Clerks, Mallrats, Chasing Amy and those "An Evening with Kevin Smith" dealies.

The movie features scenes from a movie studio and has a number of "off camera"-actor-nudge-nudge-wink-wink scenes wherein the actors admit to doing work they know is terrible (Good Will Hunting 2) either for money or to return a favor (and then almost every time look directly into the camera). It was an obvious mea culpa and I graciously accept Smith's apology.

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Thursday, April 10, 2008


  • Cincy was a good time. The Garfield Suites are nice pseudo-apartments, suiteable for drinking/sleeping/watching the Cavs play like shit on national TV.

  • Spoon . . . well, I was disappointed. I mean, it was a great show, but my expectations were certainly elevated from the last time I saw them. I thought that show featured a much more high-energy crowd (albeit smaller) and performance. I love the new album and it seems based on crowd reaction/sing-alongingness that it has garnered them some new fans. That fact plus a less than fast, but nevertheless, delicious dinner conspired to cause us to arrive somewhat late to the festivities. By the time we got there the crowd was substational and we had to stand in the back of an abnormally long venue. Oh well.

  • We caught a Reds game on Saturday afternoon. I had to agree with Alan that the Great American Ballpark looked like a fancy minor league park. Is it possible for a major league park to look chintzy? I report; you decide. They had this monstrous thing beyond centerfield that looked like a steamship. It's available for all your group outings.

  • My hair looks funking spectacular today, fyi.

  • I got sunburned at the game. It was only about 60 degrees, so I had a long-sleeve shirt on. Right now one side of my face and the backs of my hands are red. It's like I'm wearing a fancy pair of carcinogenic weightlifting gloves.

  • Sometimes drinking tea makes me feel like I'm going to barf. Like right now.

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Friday, April 04, 2008

WROG in Cincinnati

theMonica, Alan, A2Z and I are taking a road trip to Cincinnati today. We are headed out mainly to see Spoon. Yes, I am officially a dead head, except I follow a good band . . . ZING! You might be wondering why Spoon isn't coming to Cleveland. Don't you know we're home to the Rock 'n Roll HOF???!! I'm not sure. Maybe it's solely to inconvenience me. I'm fairly convinced someone has erected a giant force field around northeast Ohio that prevents bands I like from visiting and putting on rock shows in my general vicinity - some kind of Rock Defense System . . . shady.

At any rate, I'm totally pumped to see them again. They are one of those bands I see and just keep thinking about how much I love music. And a great live show is a perfect manifestation of that love. HUGS!

We will also be attending the Reds v. Phillies game tomorrow afternoon. All my Cincy readers, make it a point to stop by. Not sure what we're going to do the rest of the time though. Check out the local sites, ridicule the city mercilessly, maybe start a race riot . . . only because it seems so easy to do there and well, I've never been - to a race riot, that is.

We are leaving this afternoon. theMonica has packed PB&J for everyone (really). And everyone make sure you go to the bathroom before we get on the road. I don't want to be stopping ever 5 minutes for the weak-bladdered.

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Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Netflix: Jonestown: The Life and Death of Peoples Temple (2006)

The feel-good hit of the summer!

The creepiest thing of all was that some of the former members spoke as if they wanted to be current members, which would de facto make them former members again, I suppose.

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