Wednesday, December 23, 2009

before there were blogs, I'd write letters to my friends about their band

Staff Infection
Cleveland, OH

Dear Staff Infection,

I have purchased your new album Simplify and Amplify (or Si/Am – plify as I like to call it). I’ve listened to and enjoyed your album a number of times. And I congratulate you on your work. I also have a few observations:

1.Overuse of the word cool.
The word “cool” is used no fewer than 10 times. A quick look at my thesaurus reveals the following synonyms: marvelous, dandy, divine, glorious, groovy, hunky-dory, keen, nifty, sensational, swell. Take for instance, this substitution: “who were there but his dandy friends” for “who were there but his cool friends.” I think nifty really puts that lyric over the top.

2.Manifold Influences.
Your bass solos remind me eerily of Violent Femmes, while your hard-drivin’ guitar-style stylings remind me of Husker Dü. YET, no songs remind me of the Pixies OR Bad Religion. Some drum parts remind me of MXPX – much to my chagrin. A lot of the singing reminds me of the obscure West Side band, Florie Dories and the famous child soloist Little Cousin Jimmy.

There was no song about the Ed S./8-Trax break-up. I found this quite disappointing. Those of us familiar with the unreleased works of 8-Trax/Wooden Bumper/Carnivorous Vegetarians were looking forward to at least a cover of “Breakin’ Up Is Hard To Do” or a rendition of “Say It Ain’t So Nicole.” There is neither a song about monkeys nor a song about NHL ’94 (some possible titles includes: “YAH – B- C GOAL!” “Gotta Take Control” and “Sega Thumb.”) There is no ode to David W. and TP is surprisingly missing from the album’s contents.

All in all, it was a stunning first effort and you’ll do well to continue with this fine work.


A Fan

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She was so mean, I ventured she suffered from all three menstrual maladies: PMS, DMS and AMS – pre, during and after.


Monday, December 21, 2009


This is a test of blogging via email.  Who does that?  Cool people like me.  Cool people like me who know how to use email.  Cool people like me who know how to use email and type.  Well, you don't have to know how to type, just how to keep it real.  Real simple.  And not boring - like this test post.

But I leave you with this:  Garlic makes everything better, except halitosis.

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Monday, December 14, 2009

drunk on Monday

Can only lead to great things all week, yes? Or a horrible Tuesday morning, you say. Well, if there is one thing I have learned it's that you are wise, wise indeed. But, I will drink some extra aqua before beddy-by time and make myself all nice and hydrated.

I hadn't planned on getting overly unsober, but we were at theMonica's work holiday party. Now, normally this is not means to a drinking end, but there were tickets. Six tickets designating the # of drinks I was allowed to purchase (theMonica was drinking water, which required 0 tickets. Score.). That being the case, it would have been unwise, nay, unpatriotic, nay-nay, INHUMAN, to not drink my alloted allocation. After all, the tickets represented a drink that was pre-purchased. How ungrateful of me it would have been not to partake in all of them.

So, I hiked up the skirt and got to work. 6 drinks plus the freebie I received from a co-workers of theMonica consumed. High fives all around. High fives until I am involved in all those meetings tomorrow with a pounding head and bloodshot eyes. Nevertheless, the tickets have been conquered.

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Thursday, December 10, 2009


Keds make Converse All-Stars look like . . . . . (holding . . . holding . . .)

I don’t know; it’s too early to think of a good analogy.

But it's never too late for a simile!

I did post this before. Had I scrolled down like 3 posts, I would have noticed that, but I was so stunned by my handsome pose there, that I just kind of stared at myself, slack-jawed. I'm not going to lie to you; I get a lot of shit for drinking Bud out of cans. I'm a grown man! I'm 33 years old! I can handle Bud out of a can! I had to yell this a lot in New England. When we were there I could NOT get a regular Budweiser. They would always come back with Bud Light. Now, I was enunciating clearly and I didn't have that irritating NE accent, so you'd think they'd be on-board, but I was apparently incomprehensible. I mean, it's not like I ordered the atomic, Andromeda strain wings or something and they thought better to give them to me. It's just Budweiser. Just a little more flavorful than the Lights, domestic.

At any rate, you'll notice that the new version of this post is slightly more hilarious. Even this second time around I have no idea what this dud was going for. Keds/Converse all-stars. That's an historic battle of shoe industry giants. Ok. I'm off to re-write all my posts.

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Sunday, December 06, 2009

sophisticated men prefer


Budweiser in cans.

It's like a microbrew!

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