"Am I the only person left with a pair of Hush Puppies?" he thought . . .

as he put on his hush puppies Friday morning . . .

This is perchance true. You don't see them around much and at a certain length they begin to resemble clown shoes. Let me explain. Some shoes are proportionally eyeletted. As in, the eyelets run all the way up the shoe (e.g. most tennis shoes). Other shoes, Hush Puppies for one, are absolutely eyeletted. The eyelets/eyelet flap takes up the same amount of space regardless of the shoe size. Now with a smaller size, it's proportional and looks proper. The bigger the shoe, the stranger it can look. As the real estate between the top of the flap and the end of the shoe increases so does your probability of looking like a dumbass.

Now, where did I park my clown car?