overheard

She reads everything that isn’t nailed down.
That’s some aggressive reading – if you have to start nailing down your Twilight books and whatnot.

overheard . . .

lady1: You should button your shirt.
lady2: Why?
lady1: Because you can see right through it.

Why else would someone tell you this?

overheard . . .

As I moshanced all alone to “Where is My Mind?” in a crowded bar:

theMomica: You’re doing it. You’re being “that guy.”
me: Better than being married to him.

overheard

Keds make Converse All-Stars look like . . . . . (holding . . . holding . . .)

I don’t know; it’s too early to think of a good analogy.



But it's never too late for a simile!

I did post this before. Had I scrolled down like 3 posts, I would have noticed that, but I was so stunned by my handsome pose there, that I just kind of stared at myself, slack-jawed. I'm not going to lie to you; I get a lot of shit for drinking Bud out of cans. I'm a grown man! I'm 33 years old! I can handle Bud out of a can! I had to yell this a lot in New England. When we were there I could NOT get a regular Budweiser. They would always come back with Bud Light. Now, I was enunciating clearly and I didn't have that irritating NE accent, so you'd think they'd be on-board, but I was apparently incomprehensible. I mean, it's not like I ordered the atomic, Andromeda strain wings or something and they thought better to give them to me. It's just Budweiser. Just a little more flavorful than the Lights, domestic.

At any rate, you'll notice that the new version of this post is slightly more hilarious. Even this second time around I have no idea what this dud was going for. Keds/Converse all-stars. That's an historic battle of shoe industry giants. Ok. I'm off to re-write all my posts.

overheard

Keds make Converse All-Stars look like . . . [2 minute pause]
I don’t know; it’s too early to think of a good analogy.


Sic - simile!

overheard

some 10-year-old kid: I saw on the Daily Show two California dudes got arrested for having sex with a horse.

some 10-year-old kid's buddy: . . . . .

I too was unsure of what to do with this information.

art of office: overheard

Good hygiene is no laughing matter.

This is what I say to people when they laugh at me for brushing my teeth at work.

overheard

She has hypermobility syndrome. You know, double-jointedness.

I have a slight case of this in my fingers which allowed me to be a champion "mercy" combatant. It's my greatest achievement to date.

overheard

I love you . . . even though you're going to see Dane Cook.

outside responses to overheard conversations

(or Who's who in politics?)

First, allow me to preface. As I learned from Barcelona it's best to avoid matters of controversy such as religion and politics. And generally, that's what I do because I find such topics tedious. People believe what they believe and I'm not smart enough to convince anyone otherwise. Anyway . . .

"What are our options? An old man, a stone-cold woman and a black guy that doesn't know he's black."

LOL

Apparently she doesn't hold our presidential candidates in high esteem.

inside responses to overheard conversations

"When you're as top heavy as this, you don't get up on ladders."

Dude, your kind of heavy goes all the way down.

overheard

"The women around here aren't tough enough. I want my wife to be . . . gritty.

Yes, same guy.

As to alleviating curiosity of "Asian chicks" I can only assume extensive case studies must be conducted.

overheard

"When I get married, I'm going to be ready. I'm not going to run around. I'm not going to be curious about Asian chicks."

I'm not sure what it meant, but it was hilarious.

overheard

"You don't look like a salmon patty type of guy to me."

I guess I didn't so much overhear this as it was said directly to me. But I wasn't about to create a whole new virtual category of things I've heard.

At any rate, what type of guy is a salmon patty guy? What does said guy look like? Is pan fried salmon a particularly effeminate breakfast choice (plus 2 scrambled eggs)? I've always thought of it as a pretty neutral meal - sexual-orientationally.

I await your learned explanations.

overheard

"I don't believe in painting wood. I think it's sacrilegious."

That's what she said!

Yes the god of 2 x 4s will rain down upon you a deluge of splinters. Woe is ye!

overheard

In line at the cafeteria:
"How big are your pancakes?"

It would have been funnier if the cook was a woman. It wouldn't have been funny at all if she said "the pancakes." Such is comedy.

the first step is identifying your problem . . .

"What I don't get is how the whole thing works."

overheard

C'mon now. Get in the bowl!

Lady to her insolent strawberries.

overheard

woman1: See you at lunchtime.
guy1: See you everytime I close my eyes.

This was like a cashier/frequent (I would hope) customer type relationship. Creepy, yes? Well, I was creeped out . . . sicko.

overheard

guy to cook: Hey man, sweet fucking shrimp!