drunk on Monday

Can only lead to great things all week, yes? Or a horrible Tuesday morning, you say. Well, if there is one thing I have learned it's that you are wise, wise indeed. But, I will drink some extra aqua before beddy-by time and make myself all nice and hydrated.

I hadn't planned on getting overly unsober, but we were at theMonica's work holiday party. Now, normally this is not means to a drinking end, but there were tickets. Six tickets designating the # of drinks I was allowed to purchase (theMonica was drinking water, which required 0 tickets. Score.). That being the case, it would have been unwise, nay, unpatriotic, nay-nay, INHUMAN, to not drink my alloted allocation. After all, the tickets represented a drink that was pre-purchased. How ungrateful of me it would have been not to partake in all of them.

So, I hiked up the skirt and got to work. 6 drinks plus the freebie I received from a co-workers of theMonica consumed. High fives all around. High fives until I am involved in all those meetings tomorrow with a pounding head and bloodshot eyes. Nevertheless, the tickets have been conquered.

absinthe

So, I was at this bar on Friday after the Irish Fest. (Think cheapish beer and trying to avoid absorbing any Irish music.) And they had this funny little contraption that had two spigots coming out on either side and one of our friends (the alcoholic one) goes, "Hey, they have absinthe!"

Now, I've never had absinthe, but it's a completely convoluted process. First you have to buy some sugar cubes. Don't try to press together a packet or anything, get a box that has them pre-assembled. This is key. Then you take the sugar and put it on a spoon/spatula dealie. Pour the absinthe over all that and into the glass and then light it on fire! Then you put the sugar cube in the glass and mix vigorously. Finally, use your fancy two-spigoted contraption to pour water in the absinthe/sugar cocktail. (Apparently, the water process is supposed to take days, but here it was seconds.)

After like half an hour, we got our drinks and the bartender says, "Whatever you do, don't shoot it." Now, I have a rule. I shoot mystery drinks. If I don't know what something tastes like (but I know it's not going to be pretty), I shoot it. Bang! Bang! That's my motto. No smelling, no contemplating. You're only making it worse. Just down the hatch. "We can't shoot it?" "Unless you don't want to remember anything that happens."

My understanding was that I was going to be have some wicked hallucinations, so, maybe they'd be scary and I wouldn't want to remember what was about to happen. Besides, I'd been using beer to drown out the brutal pennywhistle ear rape I was subjected to for the past 4 hours; I was already playing dice with the night's memories. To top it off, I have my "Shooter" McGavin rule. But, I decided to be cautious and took a sip. Holy worse than Jager. Yes, some sort of liquefied licorice, but worse. No way I was pinky sipping that swill. So I shot the rest.

OH MY GOD IT'S TONY DANZA!

the economy will flow amber with the grease of my vomit

"Guy who just had a baby and never goes out anymore" emailed me this interesting tidbit from some bs some-such he had to observe via interweb tubage and I paraphrase quote:

"7-14% of Americans drink over 50% of the alcohol consumed in this country."

and

"If every American drank only 2 alcoholic beverages per day (every day of the year), alcohol sales would drop by 40%."

I'm assuming we're talking 2 drinks per Americans over the legal drinking age or we'd have a bunch of disillusioned drunk babies on our hands . . . "She stopped giving me the nipple, so I started hittin' the bottle. I don't need to talk to you! I'm allowed!" Duh, I mean literal babies as opposed to cry babies. All literal babies are cry babies, but not all cry babies are literal ones. I'm like Descartes over here.

At any rate, by my calculations, 15% of you are enjoying this post of a snifter of brandy. Drink on, dear reader, drink on.