why all the hate?

List time!

Why is my blogger typin'-it-in-font NOW GIANTSIZED?!

I went to church tonight. It was lame. They didn't play any of their hits.

I got yelled at for trying to go downstairs at a bar (where I thought the bathroom was). "EXCUSE ME SIR! EXCUSE ME!!!! RAAAWWWWRRRRR!!!

flu = hangover - fun

My flu equation is close, but, the missing element is I still had the, "I am too old to do this to myself." This was right when I was puking. But it wasn't my fault! I felt like a kid in a divorce.

Speaking of divorce, I made theMonica laugh so hard today that she couldn't breathe, started crying, couldn't stop crying and then started crying regular, mystery tears. I blame the baby.

Speaking of, that baby is like 6 days away, yo. So the question becomes, will this blog become one of those daddy blogs. Why the fuck not? Wait, that's bad, isn't it? Kids have to learn that swearing is awesome on their own. Don't ruin the secret for them. It's like santa.

Someone put a post-it on a vending machine concerning stocking the machine with "real" pretzels. Apparently, the "sourdough nibblers" are just a figment of my overactive, pretzel-based imagination. And really, in a blind/shape neutral taste test, he's going to be able to tell the difference? Anyway, this is the kind of stuff I love. I secretly photo-copied that post-it.

After the bartender yelled at me (bitch!), I got paged from work. I went outside (sans coat - bad idea) to call the guy that paged me. I was out in front of the bar talking to the guy. After a few minutes, some lady opens her window and yells something about trying to sleep (as if it's my fault that she lives next to a bar that people get paged in). I was a little buzzed, so I giggled a little, apologized and said I'd walk down the street. "Well, I don't see you moving." ZING!

annoying . . .

When somebody knows half of something and it leads them to draw wholly incorrect conclusions (aka a little bit of knowledge is a dangerous thing).

Don't bother trying to correct those people. It only leads you to more annoyance, which is just south of murder, mass.