Attention New Yorkers (Joe, NYM, etc x's 8 million)

nyMonica is amongst you. See if you can figure out which one she is! (Hint: She looks nothing like this.) It should be a fun and easy game. How many tourists could there be in New York on any given weekend? Oh really? That many you say? Huh. Well, she'll be sporting a backpack that's technically not a backpack and will undoubtedly be followed by scores and scores of male models trying to shower her with expensive perfumes, cheeses and showerheads. Do me a favor and try to swat some of them away - the models, you can keep the cheese. Models look all big and muscular, but really, they're weak. A well-placed hair insult should scatter them sufficiently.

What's a boy to do without his girl? Definitely not clean. It's kind of dusty around my apartment, but really, what was ever accomplished by cleaning? (BESIDES stopping the spread of deadly, infectious diseases.) I didn't get any takers on happy hour today, thus FORCING me to go jogging. I allow myself to skip Friday jogging if I have a social event. No dice. Man, if I don't find some more friends I might start to lose weight. We wouldn't want that. I wouldn't fill out my wife-beater as nicely.