thanks mom

We all know I'm a big fan of people bringing in goodies for the whole office to enjoy. That glorious week of processed pastries will be fondly remember for all times. Today I came into the office and found a slightly different snack . . . a bagful of raw vegetables, mostly peppers and other sundry greens. Written on the bag, "Help Yourselves!" A fucking exclamation point??!! Don't roll into the office with some left-over vegetables and then go throwing around exclamation points like you're the Santa Claus of Christmas in September. Especially when you don't even mitigate your implication of my fatness with a nice ranchy dipping sauce. I'll thank you to limit your exclamation points to treats that are mini and powdered.