Monday, August 01, 2005

woe is blog

My blog is a wholesale failure. I’ve been blogging for over a year now and so far returns have been minimal.

My expectation was that by now my blog would have:

  • made me famous.
  • made me rich.
  • yielded me a cadre of sleazy sycophants forever looking to take advantage of my aforementioned fame and fortune.
  • dated a Hollywood starlet and gotten involved in a heroin scandal of some kind.
  • started a pizza night for us.
  • gotten on board with the chore-sharing plan I devised.
  • gotten a voicemail from Pat O’Brien.
  • written a play that appeared off-off Broadway.
  • gotten arrested.
  • sold out to a major corporation requiring me to include in every post the phrase, "straighter than my spine lying on a Sealy Posturepedic Mattress. ®"
  • won the World Series.
  • cleared up my jaundice.
  • married JLo.
  • won an eating contest.
  • learned to post on its own.
  • appeared on Entertainment Tonight at least once.

It’s not that I’m mad at my blog, just disappointed.


Blogger NewYorkMoments said...

Dont know why this won't post, but check out this link:

4:07 PM

Blogger Everything Nice said...

No worries, I thought we would be rich and famous too.

You don't really want to marry JLO do you?

And if you do get a voicemail from Pat O'brien, could you forward it to me so I can say he called me too?

We can be miserable together.

6:35 PM

Blogger roger said...

NYM: That is so true.

Sugar&Spice: Not me, I thought my blog would have at least had a little rendezvous with JLo. It's into Jenny from the block.

On the plus side, my blog has developed a nasty coke habit. Go Blog!

11:47 PM

Blogger Jen said...

"learned to post on its own" - that's a hilariously good one. Yeah, these blogs tend to be a bit too clingy and dependent on us don't you think?

I thought hate mail might be a consequence from having a blog. It turns out I need fame first.

7:23 AM

Blogger Joe said...

They're always a disappointment, Roger. I find it's best to give them a little freedom and let them figure things out on their own.

This post made me laugh more than I care to admit. Too funny.

And, by the way, we're all a little insulted that you don't consider us a cadre of sleazy sycophants.

12:00 PM

Blogger roger said...

I left my blog alone all weekend and it did not post once. WTF? They simply can't be trusted to put the material out there on their own.

5:42 PM

Blogger DC said...

Oh, I gave up on my blog for a while. But if you do get married to JLo, tell me. I'd like to know how the heck she got that huge butt! Or is it fake?

2:34 PM

Blogger roger said...

Nydia - be sure your blog didn't badmouth you while you were neglecting it. They tend to have a mean streak.

2:52 PM


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