giving back to the community

Last Sunday I was involved in a volunteer effort that I could get behind. I donated my time to work the beer garden at the Taste of Tremont food and music street fair festival gigante. My duties included distribution of beer and non-alcoholic beverages and getting myself drunk. You see, my standard for charity work has always been: must be for the improvement of the community, must be a noble endeavor and must yield me free booze. It wasn't until last week that I was finally able to find an organization willing to let me help people while, more importantly, helping myself.

Other charities simply fall short. Sure I could help that old lady knit a sweater, but will she give me a purple hooter when we're done? (Wait, that sounds really bad.) I might be able to help build that habitat for that homeless person, but if they were out panhandling like they were supposed to be, I'd be taking a deep slug off a can of Steel Reserve right now. Also, children in the burn unit aren't old enough to buy liquor, right?

You ask, is it bad for a volunteer to be drinking? If two people coming to the beer tent and saying, "Two Canadiens," and me saying, "You're two Canadians? Well what do you want to drink?" and them staring at me blankly for 30 seconds is bad, then I guess, maybe I should have avoided the libations.

So you see, I'm severely limited in the amount of time I can give to a charitable organization. I readily donate money, but to get that all important "me time", you're going to have to make with the alcohol.