file under: baseball/hatred of/Blake, Casey

Anybody else hate Casey Blake? Maybe I should clarify. I don’t HATE Casey Blake the man. I’m sure he’s a nice guy and buys his wife flowers and doesn’t beat his kids or kick his dog and – don’t get me wrong – these are admirable qualities. But I hate Casey Blake the idea: the idea that Casey Blake should be on a major league baseball team; the idea that Casey Blake can discern a ball from a strike; the idea that Casey starts every day so he can strike out 2 to 3 times AND on the season has more Ks than hits (72 and 70 respectively) and the idea that I'm supposed to be "ok" with it (where you define "ok" as me yelling "You suck!" every time I see him on-sreen.) Yet if Casey ONLY struck out, at least he’d be making one out at a time. Casey, however, has the unfortunate skill of making the most outs possible per at-bat. If there is a man on first, hello double play! (I’m sure he’s hard at work honing his hitting-into-triple-play-skills.)

While his offensive skills leave much to be desired, he seems to be a defensive innovator of some kind. Most of the greats fielded their positions with the ball in front of them. I always thought this was inherently advantageous. Casey thinks that unbecoming for a modern player. He often lets the ball get past him, thereby lulling his opponents into a false sense of his suckiness and deceiving them into hitting him the ball frequently. Where will they be when they make that mistake in their next at-bat? That's right - first base, NOT second. And not only that, but as he wildly chases the ball down, he's giving the ladies a chance to check out his exquisite can. And what is baseball, if not entertainment?

God bless and keep Casey Blake, but God, bless and keep him on the bench.