Thursday, August 25, 2005


When did everyone become allergic to peanuts (not the Snoopy kind, but the three-chambered kind)? Are they genetically engineering a bigger, more hyper-allergenic peanut? Maybe they're engineering it to taste like pie or smell like bananas or fight crime or something, but their experiments have gone incredibly wrong and instead we're left with a mutant peanut strain that can fell a child with its odor alone. I don't remember hearing about anyone being allergic to peanuts before a few years ago. I'm sure people were allergic, but at some point they started requiring them to wear hazmat suits when they entered a grade school cafeteria. Now there are warnings everywhere about peanut oil in products, "products may contain residue peanut juice," "WARNING: This cashew may have cavorted with a peanut at some point in its history and may have rubbed up against said peanut."

theMonica's nephews are both allergic to peanuts. They only have problems eating peanuts. Despite this, one of them asked me for some even though he knew I knew he can't eat them. I think it may have been a fathering test of some kind. "Will Roger give a small child something detrimental to his health? Let's watch." "The only way kids can be safe with guns is if you give them one to play with."

At any rate, test or not, I passed with flying colors (peanuts denied!) and I won further accolades when I created "Flatulence Man" an imaginary superhero inspired by one of the boys claiming he has special gastro-intestinal powers. I'm not one for a lot of potty humor, but man, guys - especially under 10 - love it.

Here's to peanuts - more dangerous than ragweed and pollen combined.


Blogger NewYorkMoments said...

But were they 2 or 3 chamber peanuts?

Erm...Roger, didn't Howard Stern create Fartman?

6:42 PM

Blogger roger said...

Not sure, not really up on him. Besides this was flatulence man, completely different concept.

11:18 PM

Blogger NewYorkMoments said...

Ummm, better vocabulary?

5:55 AM

Blogger roger said...

Definitely and probably less blue material. But otherwise exactly the same. Good thing they weren't filming my documentary that day!

7:31 AM

Blogger NewYorkMoments said...

"The Life and Times of RogerPooter?"

7:54 AM

Blogger Joe said...

What are you thinking here, Roger? This is just the kind of information the terrorists look for to strike at the soft underbelly of America.

8:07 AM

Blogger Braleigh said...

I'm going to have to majorly agree with Joe on this one.

9:39 PM

Blogger roger said...

My soft belly is always exposed for terrorists to see . . . well, exposed below a thin cotton t-shirt.

2:10 PM


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