how to look like a pedophile in 12 easy steps

1. Start playing roller hockey in college.


2. Due to limited roller hockey league availability, decide you want to try ice hockey.


3. Purchase ice hockey skates.


4. Grow a beard.


5. Attend "pizza skate" at local ice rink in an attempt to improve/gain ice skating skills.


6. Be sure you're the only person over 16 who is enjoying the pizza skate without a 3 to 12-year old child.


7. Enjoy pizza.


8. Sit down.


9. Be sure to attract flocks of tiny children to sit beside you, for no particular reason.


10. Have said childrens' parents come stand by you and their children, staring at you with a curious/menacing gaze.


11. Skulk from rink, again alone, being sure to hunch back and dart eyes around from underneath brow.


12. Go home to your one-bedroom apartment.