Open Memo Department

To: Shock Doctor
From: me
RE: exploding pants

Dear Shock Doctor,

I recently purchased a pair of your compression pants sized XL (if you know what I mean) with built-in cup holder.

Initially, I found the product to be more comfortable than other similar products and seemingly better constructed. I opted not to use the cup holder pouch as it was too small to comfortably hold the accompanying cup. I was also curious as to why the cup pouch was placed on the inside of the pant. Since the pouch is too small, it's difficult to fasten the entire strip of velcro. When it's not fastened completely, the exposed velcro is quite irritating on the skin. Consequently, I was forced to wear a regular cup over the pants. As to the cup itself, I was perplexed that it was constructed using metal rivets. While it might provide a stronger constitution, the rivets rusted almost immediately.

All was well for the first half-dozen times I wore the pants. But upon a subsequent use, I looked down and to witness the scene I've attached for your viewing. Imagine my shock (ZING!). I had only owned your pants for a matter of weeks and already there was a significant tear in them. Now I admit the ladies probably appreciate the fact that I'd fallen victim to your questionable workmanship, but I was not pleased. My dollars per # of uses ratio was WAY too high. And unfortunately I will be unable to purchase any more of your products.

Sincerely,
Roger

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