Thursday, June 19, 2008

quite possibly the dumbest thing I've ever heard

I love Netflix, but this is (earmuffs) fucking stupid (/earmuffs). In a nutshell, profiles allow theMonica and I to both enjoy Netflix. While I have 400+ movies in my queue, theMonica has her own queue under my account with which she can add and prioritize movies as she pleases. When she watches a movie from her queue and returns it, she receives another movie from HER queue. It allows her to get movies she wants to see in a timely fashion without us having to reorganize one, giant mega-queue everyday.

Then, they say the old profile queues will disappear on 9/1 so you have to "consolidate" (I assume manually) or print them out. (Print them out? Let me fire up the dot matrix.) I don't know. I guess they'll otherwise disappear. It was confusing. WAIT. It was confusing Netflix - better not do it!

I always thought of Netflix as a company that "got it," whatever that means. Now they're just a bunch of idiotic idiots that mindlessly get rid of a great feature because a few morons somehow created a profile and then saw something shiny and poked themselves in the eye.

At any rate, I left this comment on the blog linked above:
Next from Netflix . . .

Netflix to discontinue use of "adding machines" for movie rentals.

Citing mass customer confusion over how to use their "electricity boxes" for effective movie rentals, Netflix has announced they will no longer allow DVD rental by computer. Unhappy customers had complained of CONFUSION and DISORIENTATION caused by the bright shininess of their monitors and the WHIRRING, WHIRRING of computer internals. "Boxes make me dizzy," one befuddled Netflix users said.

Netflix suggested users pony express new additions to their queues or they could do that thing where you hitch a bag of mail to a passing-by train. Of course, if this also confuses, Netflix suggest shouting movie titles very loudly and hoping a Netflix representative hears you. One poor sould was heard roaming through the streets shouting, "CRASH!" into the night air.

When pressed for comment a Netflix representative said, "People began using their machines in unforeseen ways. Take profiles. Profiles are frightening and scary. How can one person be more than one person at the same time? That's witchcraft where I come from and we must discourage that type of behavior." He continued, "We at Netflix decided that it'd be better to discontinue the use of 'devil boxes' for movie rentals rather than being forced to boil a bunch of our customers."

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Blogger Allison said...

I was reading through the 200+ comments on the Netflix blog and yours was by far the best. It's funny because it's TRUE.

I'm holding out hope that the retards running Netflix will come to their senses when they see the outrage this decision is causing. But then again, if they aren't bright enough to keep popular features on their site, they probably aren't bright enough to reverse their decision.

1:24 PM

Blogger roger said...

Well, thanks. It made me really mad. I mean, how could you be smart enough to create a profile/think you need one and then suddenly get so confused?

3:17 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

They probably think they can get some new subscriptions out of couples who hate each other too much to negotiate a combined queue.

-- 31-year-old guy who runs around college dorms in his boxers at 3 a.m.

3:42 PM


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