Thursday, September 07, 2006

no man is an island nor a perfectly self-contained pretzel consumer

I chew with my mouth closed. I swear. I make a point of it. So why did I just brush 3 pounds of pretzel crumbs off my shirt (in full-view of a passerby, I might - well I will - add)? Because the crumbs of a hard pretzel are uncontainable. It's a law of nature. When you bite into a pretzel your mouth must be open (when the pretzel's total size is too large for a single-bite encounter), this opening must leaves wayward pretzel crumbs to leap forth from your mouth, scattering about your clothes and loved ones. This is a problem which has always vexed me.

The only way I can come up with to contain pretzel crumbs is some kind of mouth flowbee to vacuum the crumbs into your pretzel hole as you bite. You could install a small engine in your brain that runs on brain power. Results and ampage may vary. That's probably the simplest solution out there.


Blogger NewYorkMoments said...

the results and ampage will probably be at their lowest during a hangover when you may be in the most need of salty pretzels

7:59 PM


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