forgive me wal-mart, for I have sinned

I shopped at Target.

I have always thought that Target sells the exact some products as Wal-Mart, slaps on a fancy White Stripes-esque ad campaign and jacks up all the prices 50%. For some reason I have gotten into about 15 arguments with women about this contention. The mere suggestion that Wal-Mart is on par with Target triggers some sort of estrogen-induced rage that cannot be quelled with any manner of logic or thought.

This is not to say that men are above such irrational passion. But we usually limit this type of silliness to sports. In sports, there is at some point a clear win after which one side of the debate is rendered unable to sustain their argument. With Wal-Mart vs. Target things aren’t so clear. Generally, I think there is room enough for both stores, but I will admit to taking a secret joy in starting and participating in these symbolic retail wars.

I am usually able to win the battle on price. Then the argument becomes quality of cleaning/grooming/household products (where I have noticed little difference) and that’s kind of a stalemate. Then, almost invariably will come the “Wal-Mart is too crowded/The customers are dirty.” I have no rebuttal for this other than it’s indicative of a superior product and a poor ventilation system and/or prior dirtiness on the patrons’ part. There’s no accounting for that.

Finally, the ladies protest, the clothes are crap. Here I take special exception because I am a proud wearer of many Wal-Mart products. I assure the women that Wal-Mart’s clothing (especially lately) is of quite a high quality and inexpensive. And I assure them that the sweatshops used to create the clothes are just as sweaty and soulless as the sweatshops Target uses. “No,” I’m told, “Men’s clothes are about the same, but in women’s clothes Target is far superior in both style and durability.”

After that, I’m kind of at a loss. I suspect that the perception of dirty patrons subconsciously colors my friends’ opinions on the clothing options at Wal-Mart. But I can’t be sure that’s true. There’s only one way to find out. Start wearing women’s clothes. I’ll let you know how it goes.