LLCoolRA

Despite the fact that we're days and days away from my birthday - wait, that would be a minimum of 4 days, huh? - ok, despite being days and day away from my birthday, my co-workers have already regaled me with a little birthday cheer. Why you ask? Well, some of my co-workers are odd and this kind of thing is standard procedure.

Happily I was typing at my desk, making some shit happen on the old CPU. That's how I roll - dropping case statements all up in my motherf*ckin' COBOL program - beeeatch! Whoah. Sniffed too much paint thinner. You know how there's the nice buzz going and then you go and get greedy . . . at any rate, I'm sitting there typing or reading one of your blogs, whatever I was doing. All the sudden - *goose!* - somebody's grabassing me.

This is not uncommon. I'm forever having people try to cop a feel, co-workers, passers-by, cops. The ladies were much disturbed in the late-90's during my "jog constantly" stint that my caboose had grown (?) so wane (or, in the words of my mom, I had "ran my ass off.") Where could they grab? Since my caboose is back at full capacity, this type of hands-on behavior is typical. Sure it's sometimes disconcerting, but I've grown accustomed to it. But this was so early in the morning. I startled me, to say the least. I turn and what does my eye spy? Kelly crouched behind my chair, tying a balloon to it.

Remember how earlier in the post I said that I had some odd co-workers? Kelly is one of them. She has the most unfortunate eyeglasses and hair style choices. She also tends to make social situations awkward by crouching behind people and tying things to their chairs. I don't know about you, but that is not the spot I want to hang out at. At any rate, I kind of turned and she said something about surprising me with the balloon (and attempted sodomy?) or some such. I said, "Oh, it's not at all totally fucking weird that you did that. By all means, carry on." And then she left. And I kind of shrugged and tried to think of something else.