good morning starshine

Let me tell you about my friend . . . Ro..bert. This is in no way related to my late night post from yesterday.

Let’s say Robert can’t fall asleep at a reasonable hour - maybe he's drunk, maybe he just ate a big meal - so he watches some Netflix (The Outlaw Josey Wales!). Finally he feels tired enough to go to bed. Now he may or may not have turned on his alarm clock – not sure, Robert was fuzzy on this part of the story.

Flash forward to about six hours later. Robert opens his eyes to a bright light peeking through his blinds. “What is that strange brightness?” he thinks. “That’s bizarre. Usually when I wake up it’s very dark. Hmmmm.” Then Robert, gazing at the clock, comes to the horrible realization that he’s waking up an hour and a half after he’s supposed too. And that bright light coming in through his windows is not the result of some mid-night cataclysmic interstellar event, but is instead the burning shame of sunshine! Robert freaks. "FUCK! I'M SO LATE FOR WORK!!" Running around his apartment like mad, trying to find clothes, a comb, hairspray, anything to get him ready and out the door.

Finally ready, Robert departs and heads to his parking lot. After parking his car, Robert becomes philosophical. “Maybe I was MEANT to be late for work. Maybe something important is going to happen that I have to be witness to . . . Hey there’s a hobo that looks like Charles Manson! He’s really short too – just like Charles Manson. Maybe that IS Charles Manson? No, that’s not him, no swastika scar on the forehead. Good thing; I was getting scared for a minute. Anywho, what could I nickname him? Inducement-to-commit-homicide hobo? Too subtlely legal. Former-hippie-singer-who-hung-out-with-a-Beach-Boy hobo? Too many hyphenated adjectives. I’ll go with the easy one here, Charlie hobo.”

Robert's suspicions had been confirmed. Long ago he decided his true calling in life was the observation and taxonomy of hoboes. Content that this was his purpose and he had fulfilled it, he walked into work with a smile on his face.