Monday, June 22, 2009

as seen on tv!

So, theMonica and I were on TV last week. We were accosted by some TV reporter from ACTION 19 NEWS! I'm not big into the local news, but this station is particularly funny because they editorialize all their stories with ad hominem attacks. They're always railing against "punk" criminals and "scumbag" politicians. It sounds silly but the false vitriol is actually pretty amusing.

At any rate, we were (somewhat) unfortunately on our way to watch the Indians piss away yet another game when theMonica spotted the reporter from across the street. She said, "Oh no. I don't want to talk to him." But then, we crossed the street and he asked something and theMonica started talking. The microphone is a giant societal Pavlovian instrument, you see.

What was he asking about? Donte Stallworth and Michael Vick. Why did one guy get 30 days for killing an old dude, while the other got a year for fighting and killing dogs? theMonica made valid and interesting points about the value of all life especially that of humans. I said, "In these tough economic times, one man's life is but 30 days worth of time." No. He was going on about whether or not it was ok for Stallworth to have scored 100 points in his personal game of Death Race 2000 because he didn't necessarily "intend" to kill someone (failing to mention that he was about twice the legal limit boozed up). All I got on TV was my zinger, "He INTENDED to get drunk." ZING! ZINGGGG!

That was about it. 10 seconds of face time for the hot chick and like 2 seconds for me, everyman. I'm not bitter, but maybe that should be his next investigation. Ugly dudes vs. hot chicks - who should get more TV face time? I'm smart. I got good ideas!

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