well shave all my hair and call me JD Rockefeller

The office store clerks have this annoying habit of looking over your purchase and saying, "Is that all?" They don't say it in a helpful manner. Instead they say it like every teenage girl that's ever lost her virginity in a movie - that special mix of disappointment and disgust.

Jeebus woman! Do I look like I'm made of money? Do I have a soft-greenish hue? Are there traces of cocaine on me? (S      T      R      E       T      C      H      !) And even if I were, doesn't my 18 trips per day to buy food at this establishment sate your need to see me shove food into the black hole that is my mouth? I will have you know I just ate lunch. Twice.

Ok, maybe I oversell my fattiness, but I was extra hungry today or something. Speaking of underutilized candy bars, Zagnut. That's some good candy goodness right there. It's got that super-synthetic peanut-buttery filler, rolled into a coconut cocoon (and I'm not a huge fan of coconut). It's flaky deliciousness at its best. So support your street's Zagnut vendor and munch on a half-dozen or so.