i can actually hear me getting fatter

At work we have this health screening dealie. They want for us not to be all fat and lazy and they kind of get all up into our grills trying to change our behavior. I'm innately opposed to pseudo-neo-fascism, essentially because I'm both fat and lazy and exercising would surely cut into my blogging time. At any rate, I've always secretly had the opinion that while I might be a little "husky", probably other people didn't pay it no mind unless they were unfortunate enough to see me topless for whatever reason (i.e. performing CPR on me after a horrendous car accident).

The whole screening takes about 20 minutes and then you watch this silly video presentation which explains how to interpret your results. I'm watching for a few minutes and a lady comes over and gives me my personalized results sheet. My results required no interpretation as what could be staring back at me? Uhh . . . "obese". Yah, obese, and it said it right there on the page. Damn, do they want everyone to find out? I quickly folded the paper and put it in my pocket, lest someone see it.

Now, I'm not all big on pc terminology, especially when it doesn't apply to me, but I think they could have been a little more sensitive in their description. Just because I'm built like a shrick-bithouse doesn't mean we need to go flinging aspersions. (Frankly it's time to upgrade our aspersion delivery systems.) How about we say I'm "soft and pliable" or I "can't wear regular pants" or that I "have a good personality"? But, oh no, we just have to come right out and call a spade a spade and not a black leafy-looking thing.