Open Memo Department

TO: Canada
RE: trade agreements

It has come to our attention that Canada is in violation of the North American Free Trade Agreement. Alanis Morissette is now a citizen, in good standing, of the United States of America.

According to NAFTA:

"Canada shall work to increase exports to the United States of the following: lumber, bacon, hockey, cool south-easternly breeze (summer only), Michael J. Fox and comedians. Conversely, Canada shall prevent the export of: hairstyles, universal healthcare and pop singers, especially those of the screechy, faux-angst-ridden variety."

Canada is clearly in breech of the NAFTA agreement. The US has strived to prevent the importing of Canadian pop singers since the aftermath of the 1984 hit "Summer of '69". The United States has demonstrated specific harm from Bryan Adams seminal hit single, as his entry into the US paved the way for such unbearable Canadian performers as Barenaked Ladies, KD Lang and the horror that is Celine Dion. The United States must demand that Canada cease and desist its practice of dumping undesirable musical acts onto our soil.

The United States recognizes that American demand for the product is largely responsible for Morissette's exportation. However, the government would like every assurance that corrective action is being taken to prevent this from happening again. Avril Lavigne, we're looking at you.