Monday, March 28, 2005

give him a chance!

Johnny Depp wants to play "perfectly normal" guy.
MC Wire Reports: Marseille, France

After portraying a pantheon of memorable weirdos, Johnny Depp, famous actor and notorious heartthrob, has decided he wants to test the full range of his acting chops. In a short, prepared statement read to the press at his small country villa in France, Depp expressed his concerns, "It is with deep dread that I announce the unfortunate circumstances of my having become typecast." Depp added that he felt like Hollywood producers no longer appreciated his acting range. "To think that I can't play a regular guy with a wife and a couple of children who spew molten lava from their mouths is ridiculous. Just because I'm a beautiful man, doesn't mean I should be discriminated against. I can play all kinds of parts. I can play the eccentric, doped up writer OR your average Joe case-of-Dom-Perignon."

Reporters asked what type of roles he was looking for and Depp had no trouble elaborating. "Maybe instead of playing an olden times detective with futuristic crime scene analysis tools, I could play an olden times detective who abhors science, hates his job and has telekinetic powers with which he hurls objects at criminals, including pumpkins - just more regular-type stuff. Or maybe a modern detective that solves crimes with only a magnifying glass, a pipe and a dizzying intellect. OR - instead of a teenager with scissorhands, what about a kid with rolling pins for hands? Scissorhands are exceptional, but rolling pin hands are kind of average. If I played a character with rolling pin hands, I'd be able to explore the quotidian tasks that you regular people have to endure - like how to get to work without shocking to stillness those who look upon your stunning handsomeness. Just kidding. Only I have that problem."


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