Tuesday, August 31, 2010

oh, so if your boyfriend ignores you for weeks, does that mean he doesn't love you?

So, I have neglected you and for that, apologies. I have been busy with my misshapen-headed kid. Oh, and his neck muscles are stronger on one side than the other. That condition has a fancy name like offsetted neckitis or something, but I can't recall what it is. Don't worry, everything is cool.

Whenever we run into baby issues, I think of cave baby. What would have happened for cave baby in this situation? Were there cave baby physical therapists that could teach you twice-daily stretches for cave baby's neck? Hmm, doubtful. Now, I think his neck thing was more pronounced before and was gradually getting better, but we can help things along.

As to his head, I have a substantial melon, so no sympathy here. I guess not so much lying on his back. Now, cave baby was f'ed here. I mean, those cave floors are HARD. I imagine there were a lot of misshapen-headed cave babies running around. If they could, with their giant balance-compromising noggins.

And he's had some earaches. Earaches are babies natural-born enemies. Babies need to retreat to there fortresses of solitude and try to figure out a way to combat these things.

Oh, and he can't roll right. He's like reverse Zoolander cave baby. He CAN roll right, but prefers left. Parenting is hard, yo. And I am only able to keep track of a few things at a time, therefore, missing a lot. My checklist is like:

1. Laughs at my [baby] jokes? check (Like his moms he does not find my talking jokes funny unless I use some horrible over-the-top accent. And that sentence structure is kind of messed up, only the baby laughs, theMonica is unimpressed by accents.)

2. Does baby stuff. check You know, like eat, sleep, poop. He eats a lot of sweet potatoes, which is potato non grato around me. He hearts them. Not so much peas. Peas I'll eat, but I never got them. Like, peas, what up whichu? Peas - We're bland! But we're tiny green balls, which is cool if you're into that kind of thing. Right? Who's with me?

So, lest you think he's falling apart, here he is trying to hypnotize himself. Look deep into my eyes cave baby.



Anonymous Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

Also cure baby: check.

You know what else? Cave baby didn't have any fancy mirrors or tummy time.

Kids these days have it made.

Dies he have to wear one of those fancy helmets so it looks like he is going to ride in the Tour de France?

8:19 AM

Blogger Queen of West Procrastination said...

So, did you just announce that you're our collective Internet Boyfriend? And that you're Just Not That Into Us?

In other news, your baby is adorable.

11:36 AM

Blogger roger said...

Sarah - no helmet as of now. He is misshapen, but apparently low on the head-misshapeness scale.

Queen - Let's not put labels on anything. And thanks!

11:23 PM


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