Tuesday, March 03, 2009

cougar attack!

Let me just start off by saying . . . I still got it! Was there ever any doubt? (theMonica may refrain from commenting.)

We were at a "Coming to America " party. These are exceedingly fun because they rarely happen. The Eddie Murphy in this story is emigrating from Ireland so some American-self-hater wrote some "Paddy Mc O'Brien" Bill of Rights (the stereotyped name is for the sake of anonymity, rather than insensitivity/hilarity) about not becoming obsessed with "material possessions." I do not feel like I am obsessed with things. I do not feel most of the people I know are obsessed with "things." Is there a conception of Americans as consumer-rougers? I suppose. Is it well-founded? Well, maybe, if you base your entire concept of the US on the media generated out of Hollywood. If that's the case, may God have mercy on your soul. I think people everywhere want things and it's a natural conditions.

At any rate, Paddy is a good guy and I'm glad to have him - both as an American and a Clevelander. There is a popular misconception that I don't like the Irish. I like the Irish fine. They're good, upstanding people who like to get drunk. How would *I* have a problem with that? I do have a problem with the faux-Irish. They would call themselves Irish-American, but I contend once you/your family is in one place for more than one generation, you are whatever that place is. Ok, you are still of that heritage, but the hyphenation can cease. Anyway, the Cleveland faux-Irish can be kind of irritating. Couple that with the music and you end with me being cranky.

It was hot in in there so I had to wear my sweater 80's preppy-villian style, around my neck with the arms tied in front. Then I went to up to get some beers and RAAAAWWWRRRRR! Some lady old enough to be my mom older sister, said her friend (old enough to be my older sister's older friend) said I had the prettiest blue eyes - like ever - in the HISTORY OF THE WORLD. (But not as pretty as a husky's.) So that embarrassed me/made me laugh. Then she said her friend was "horny all the time." That made me scared. But the beer wasn't there yet. I lit a small torch to fend them off until the libations were secured.

I tried to send my single, more cougar-aged buddy into the fray, but by then they had dispersed.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Holy crow, that is too funny. And by "that" I mean two things: preppy-villain style (most clear description ever) and that an old lady hit on you.

11:41 AM

Anonymous TC said...

You're so money and you dont even know it! You've got these huge f-ing bear claws and you're just batting the little bunny around...

6:16 PM


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