DO IT TREE!

Friday, April 07, 2006

AAARGH!!

I was walking by the Erie Street Cemetery, which is perhaps the number one destination for downtown hoboes. Ok, maybe not number one, but it's up there, which is surprising because if there's not an Indians game, there's not a lot of foot traffic. On the other hand, when someone does walk by, there's no place to escape as to your right is a busy street and to your left is the iron fence of the cemetery. A hobo could expect a small, but captive audience.

I’m walking up to this fairly well-dressed (by potential hobo standards) and rather hefty guy. He looked like he had what the doctors call a “a little bit of a weight problem.” Anyway, as I approach, I notice he’s wearing a Browns wool cap . . . a read beard . . . and . . . . an eye patch! I kid you not. He had an eye patch. (No parrot was sighted.) Wait. It gets better. I usually read on my way to my lot (because it’s so far) and I’m not really paying attention because I’m thinking NOThobo. But, I can feel his eyes staring me down as I walk up to him. That’s a pretty strong sign they’re going to panhandle you. The staring and the asking for money. No, the staring and the fact that they’re just standing in front of something and not going anywhere.

At this point I’m about to walk by the guy. He says something to the effect of – and this was tough to make out because I’m trying to zoom by – he says, “If you cook dinner tonight, could you bring me some leftovers for tomorrow?” I mean, it actually kind of pissed me off because who’s going to believe eye patch AND asking for my leftovers which I will hand deliver to him the following day. I was perplexed, but still walking. And I must have had the most quizzical WTF face in history going. I’m like, “Uhhhhhh, ok.” And I’m thinking, “What if I did make him dinner? Do I need to worry about points? Is he on the Weight Watchers?” He interrupts my inner-dialogue by saying, “I’ll be out here tomorrow around 5.” I keep walking. “I’ll understand if you don’t come by.” By now I was far enough away to chuckle to myself and kind of yell, "Ok," over my shoulder. I spent the rest of the walk home deciding what to make for dinner for myself and EncoreFamilySizeMealPirateHobo.

4 Comments:

Blogger Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

Aaaargh. Fix me some fish and chips, matey. Aaargh.

8:43 AM

 
Blogger NewYorkMoments said...

So, is his portion going in the good tupperware accompanied by utensils? Or will the poor man eat with his fingers?

9:31 AM

 
Blogger justanothergirl said...

i wonder if i put on a patch, if people will start giving me free food. even though i'm not a hobo.

i just kind of want to wear a patch. and you know, free food would be a total bonus.

12:10 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I refused to give money to a panhandler one time on my way to put more change in the meter. On my way back to the mall a male pandhandler was standing on the corner and appeared to be waiting for me. First he looked at me then he pulled his shirt out of his pants, unzipped his pants and opened them. He was not wearing underwear. He then grinned at me and asked for some change like I owed him something. I yelled "Not after that" as I ran away.

1:58 AM

 

Post a Comment

<< Home