veni, vidi, slushidi

I was getting my Wal-Mart on, got in the checkout line and impulse bought a slushy cup. I like the slushy. Coke slushy though. Let's be honest, cherry's just a popsicle.

I checked out and went over to the slushy machine. Being an expert in such matters, I put the dome lid on my cup FIRST and then filled the cup with the delicious icy-cokey concoction. I reached for a straw and - WTF? - regular straws?? The single greatest contribution to society that the slushy has made is the widespread acceptance of the shovel straw. You know the shovel straw. It's a straw with one end regular and the other end has a small, shovel-type apparatus on it. (Apparently it's called a "spoon straw" and you can buy 10,000 for 125 bucks here.)

I was slightly disappointed at this development. Your regular straw tends to suck disproportionate amounts of syrup out of the slushy and in the end you have a clump of ice. It was unsettling, but I persevered. I leave the store, slushy in hand, and start walking towards my car. Now I had not filled the cup entirely and I had already taken a few sips when something strange happened. Like a grade school science experiment gone horribly right, slushy begin to spew from the opening of the lid deluging my hands, pants and my left shoe. Unseen it would have been bad enough, but the worst part was all the people around who could have only been shocked at what that idiot was doing tonguing that cup of Icee.

The best I could figure was the change in temperature between the store and the outside caused some sort of Vesuvian slushy explosion. I enjoyed my slushy a little more wet than I was when I started.