Thursday, April 28, 2005

i hate the umbrella people

You've seen the umbrella people. Think back to a beautiful sunny morning on your commute into work. The birds are chirping; the squirrels are standing on their hind legs looking quizzically at everything, because really, they're squirrels, what could they possibly "get"?; the hoboes are engaged in hobo-related hassling of respectable citizens. What could possibly disrupt this glorious day? Only the umbrella people.

You catch one out of the corner of your eye. A perfectly sane looking man walking amidst the same lovely atmospheric conditions as yourself with the exception that he is carrying a closed umbrella. "Hey there umbrella man." "Me?" "Yes, you. The fellow with the umbrella." "How can I help you?" He says, clutching his umbrella tighter, worried you fancy it. "Well, I was wondering, seeing as how it's such a nice day out, why are you carrying that umbrella?" "Oh, this," he replies, relieved. "The weather said it was going to rain this afternoon." You look umbrella man up and down and say, "You sorry son of a bitch. Can't you enjoy this beautiful day without hedging your bets?" Umbrella man runs off; you've scared him. You've forgotten that the umbrella people are a timid folk. They do, after all, carry an umbrella all day on the off-chance they'll get wet.


Blogger kimmyk said...

I'm not an umbrella person.

But if you would have said that to me I most likely would have either:

a-poked you in the stomach with my umbrella tip
b-swiped ya in the crotch-and told ya to back the f**k off!
c-opened it up and flew away like Mary Flippin' Poppins

or a combination of all 3. I am quite handy with an umbrella.

11:01 AM


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